Tired of dating duds

After a night out, we were heading back to his (read: parents’) place and stopped into a bagel shop for drunk food.

After ordering, he said “watch this” and proceeded to steal a package of smoked salmon from the fridge and put it in his coat.

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and then he LOOKED AT MY SHOES TO SEE IF HE WAS RIGHT.

At that point, I realized I didn’t need to wait for three strikes.

And he called it the “T-Wash” because his name was Trevor. When T-Wash, as he has now become known, got up to go to the bathroom, I texted my friends to tell them the date was a dud. For some reason, even though we were basically the only ones in the bar, the server took her sweet time coming over to us and as a result, I had to sit there and, at T’s request, explain why I wasn’t down for date numero dos.

They agreed to meet me at the subway station and when T came back, I informed him that I had to get going. (Fun fact: It turns out that he changed from his work clothes into sweatpants because I “seemed like an easy-going chick.”)As soon as my debit payment went through, I waved goodbye and booked it out of the bar.

It was only when I was recounting this story to my friends later that night that we realized, T was stoned the entire time.

In the summer between my third and fourth year of university, I went on the worst date ever.

The Starbucks date didn’t start off terribly—he was about 5 inches shorter than he’d claimed to be, but was also WAY cuter than his profile photo, so I felt like it all balanced out.

(And to be clear: his actual height is a non-issue; lying about it was the downside.) But when we actually started talking, I felt like all this dude wanted to do was prove how ~*intellectual*~ and different he was.

I figured, this way, I could see if he was down to talk or if he just wanted to hookup. He texted that something abruptly “came up” when I’d already been at the meeting spot for 30 minutes. We went to the same party a few weeks later, and he a) acted like nothing had happened, and b) tried to make a move. —After online dating for a while, I was so over exchanging endless text messages before actually making plans for a first date.

Instead, if a dude seemed to have decent spelling and a job, I was down to meet up and decide in-person if there was something there.

We did not go on a second date.—My foray into online dating wasn’t exactly what I expected.

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