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“God help us if the best we can say about the sex we have is that it was consensual,” Maya Dusenbery said in a piece for The Cut. What if pleasure were the basis for a sexual and political education?We’d like to say it is pleasurable too, but patriarchal indoctrination only speaks of pleasure in terms of possession—of how one can seek it or chase it. That is what Audre Lorde recommends in her 1978 lecture “The Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power.” Lorde argues pleasure is what is always present and always possible within.A good online-dating profile strategy, like a strong brand, turns a suspect into a prospect, and a prospect into a buyer.
Still, when I was writing a cover letter, I couldn’t tell whether or not I was filling out an online-dating profile.
It makes sense, then, that while I was applying for jobs, I started to develop an elaborate fantasy where singles would pay me to perfect their courting performances across the multiple immaterial labor economies of online dating.
His was the voice I acquiesced to when I couldn’t summon the willingness to say no to unwanted labor, either at work or in bed.
Regardless, I would always “consent,” and my cop would be my witness.
When I bitched about work to my best friend, as I often did, she gestured to the pile of manuscripts in front of me waiting to be read, symbols of my chosen trade, and asked: “Do you want this or does your cop want this?
” I took the question as a playful koan on consent.“Their only goal is the accumulation and management of patents in order to control the reproduction of bodies and pleasure.” Or, put more bluntly: “Its purpose is to transform your ass and mine or rather your desire and mine into abstract profits.” Singles might be the product and the consumer, but they are also on the clock.“Does Online Dating Feel Like An Exhausting, Time-Consuming Struggle?Desirability and desire are reduced to a data set of “taste,” with all of its classist and racist trappings, and in this myopic echo chamber we often match with others whose tastes remind us of our own.On her profile, the single starts sounding like the job seeker, courting mutually beneficial relationships and setting up coffee dates like one would an interview.a young and, at times, unemployed woman in New York, I knew my strength in public relations was as necessary for finding a partner as it was for finding a job.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating